Poems

Polly and Salvador Dali

There once lived an orphan named Polly
Her attitude always was jolly
She charmed all she knew
With a tickle or two
Her pet snake was Salvador Dali

Gone but not forgotten

Oh she wasn't frazzled
All who knew were dazzled
By her charm and grace 
She quite lit up a space
Morning, noon and night
Her style was quite a sight
She drifted here and there
In her wheeled chair
At last she grew so weary
And though she still was cheery 
She's gone but not forgotten
Now some might find it rotten 
To lose such a soul
And not feel quite whole
She drifted to her sleep
Now do not make a peep
For you'll see her yet again
Just around the bend 
She'll always be your friend

Down but not under

It feels great to be alive
Does that come as a surprise?
There are days that are indeed dark
When life ain’t a walk in the park
Yet even down days
filled with sadness and with haze
Are far better I’ve found
Than being 6 feet underground

The art of not knowing

The art of not knowing
What life is throwing
Throws me in a tizzy
Makes me quite dizzy
An unending need
For things guaranteed
For wanting to know
How things will go

Michigan Diet

I ate a cupcake
Now that was a mistake
Please Be sure to take
one or two more
Now I can’t get out the door
So inside I’ll stay
Eating cupcakes night and day
Can’t go out to play
Now perhaps I’ll slumber
And when I wake I’ll lumber
From the fridge I’ll take
Some pop and also cake
Oh for heaven’s sake!
Did you just see that scale?
I got it on a sale
For sure it must be wrong
I knew it all along
My cupcake laden diet
Would bring the scale to riot
But still you’ve got to try it!

Apothecary Shop

To the apothecary shop
I dutifully hop!
Where
there
are
my feelings in a jar—
they do not travel far!
High atop that shelf
They appear quite stealth
when someone asks my age
Instead of feeling rage
I’ll bottle it all up
And place it in a cup
T’will be transferred rather late
And used another date
Love, fear, rage and hate
Are all included there
Along with bits of hair
Some will go to waste
Congealing into paste
When they are expired

And I’m feeling rather tired
I’ll uncork some Joy
And maybe some Annoy
They will mix themselves
Restoring all the health
To the wealth of stealth
feelings on my shelf

Halloween Incantation

You light the candle
I’ll carve the pumpkin
Soon We will be startin’ somethin’
Burned at the stake
Big mistake
I shall take
Eye of newt
And spleen of snake
This incantation seals your fate

Bloom!

She said bloom! where you’re planted
I was enchanted
by her style–
Her smile
would defile
a monument
To you
I’ll resurrect
For sure it’s circumspect
You do appreciate
All things small and great
Now let’s pontificate
Some more.

A Gander for Slander

There’s a goose on the loose
I hear she’s called Bruce
She was drinking juice
And has made a truce
With the local gander
Who’ve accused her of slander
The slander was spontaneous
And found rather extraneous
She prefers speaking extemporaneously
Her speech perceived miscellaneous, she
Offended all gander simultaneously!
They made it their mission
To create a division
And stop her submission
To local geese television
Their case presented with precision
She fled her flock hearing the decision
She won’t be coming back
It was an effective attack!

Exhausted and Frosted

Lately I find life exhausting
I’d like to eat tubs of frosting
But what would that do?
That’s no good for you!
Soon you’ll be dead!
Eat veggies instead
And please stop accosting the frosting!!

Roasts from Heaven

I’m cooking up a roast
I don’t mean to boast
My home smells of heaven
Dinner is not ‘til seven
How I hate just waiting!
Now I’m salivating
Oh this house so smelly
I need to fill my belly
I won’t spoil my appetite
You know it’s not polite
To gnaw your child’s arm
What really is the harm?
To eat before your meal
I’ll still withhold my zeal
For roast from heaven
served promptly at seven

Gnomsomnia

Delightful little poems
Writ by garden gnomes
Keep popping in my head
Keeping me from bed
How I long to sleep
Yet their words did creep
Into my skull each night
Giving me a fright
All their rhyming stanzas
About gardening bonanzas
Keep my mind a racing
On the floors I’m pacing
I’ll go into the garden
And ask them please and pardon
To cease their endless rhyming
Or at least switch the timing
Or please write a number
Of poems to aid my slumber

Clocked Out

I am very tired
And not quite so inspired
I know I was just hired
But soon I will be fired
For sleep is what I’m craving
When really I should be saving
Pennies all day long
Yet still I join the throng
Of those that punch a clock
And banish sleepy talk!

What do I matter?

What do I matter? I don’t see
I am but a silly tree
You matter more than you think
The air you breathe, the rain you drink
For without you there would not be
Shade from branches, sap or seeds
We creatures could not breathe or play
Without what you provide each day
So rise my tree— grow tall and strong
We all need you to live quite long

What do I matter?

Said the boy
His mother shattered, you are my joy!
But I’m messy, Loud! My shoes do stink!
You matter more than you think
Your youth — it freshens up my day
I love to watch you run and play
Without you I could not thrive
Your laughter helps keep fun alive
So rise my boy— grow tall and strong
We all need you to live quite long

A mind is a terrible thing

A mind is a terrible thing to waste
Foolish words! Surely spoken in haste
For once Oh! how I’ve gotten
A taste
Of lying on the couch all day
Imagining fantastic games to play
Or eating bon bons, whilst covered in crumbs
Or sitting around twiddling my thumbs
I once would have given a hoot
exploring solely intellectual pursuit
Alas my mind will waste away
‘Twill be used another day

Noah the Rhino

Noah the rhino
Was quite the wino
Hues of wooded
Or berry or footed
Would sate his palate
He’d cast his ballot
For Pinot or merlot
He’d take a furlough
To decant all his reds
Then fall into bed

Blind Date

I saw you late last night
Truly quite a fright
Please turn off the light
Don’t remove your tights
Please put up a fight
They say love is blind
How I wish I were! I find
If I shut my eyes real tight
I’ll last another night
I was left but now I’m right
So bereft I think I might
Have another drink or two
No! please put on your shoe
Is there anything you think
That’s cured with one more drink?
Here’s a third and now a four
Now I can’t open the door
How did that get on the floor?
Please Just take this pill
It’ll give you quite thrill
And cure all of your ills
Yes! of course I’ll pay
I’ll see you another day
Now please will you go away?
You really are a dear
You have nothing to fear
The end is coming near

The king of the geese

The king of the geese
His name was Reese
Wanted a piece
Of pizza with cheese
Please hold the grease
He often wore fleece
He took out a lease
On an apartment in Nice
To serve up the geese
Pizza sans grease
loaded with cheese
He saw prices increase
But aimed to please
He often would tease
His colleagues did sneeze
When eating his cheese
Which caused him to issue
An abundance of tissue
Tony the pony
Preferred his cheese phony
He was contrary
concocting cheeses non dairy

Mouse Matrimoaning

There’s a mouse in the house
He just wed a spouse
The spouse was a louse
He’d constantly grouse
She read all things Faust
And would fiendishly plot
His fall in a pot
They both would bemoan
The lot they had got
Preferring a groan
To being alone

Escape artist

Harry Houdini
Slurped linguini
Donned string bikinis
Drove Lamborghinis
In his tankini
He preferred spaces and clothing quite teeny!

Arachnisudsia

There’s a spider in the bath
Oh how he makes me laugh!
As I fill my hair with suds
His jokes are never duds.
While the water is a trickle
My funny bone he’ll tickle.
He quite likes eating pickles–
I’ll feed him maybe one
As he makes a brilliant pun
He makes bath time rather fun!

Fragment

Freedom is an illusion
Leading to confusion
What is that contusion?
On your head.
I noticed it when you fell from my bed.

Sapho was a Greek poet– only fragments of her poetry remained. somehow fragments are more alluring than the entirety. Because most people don’t leave their whole selves behind anywa…

Cake Pirates

Meona was a fat little cat
Bowls of sugar were found on her mat
She didn’t frolic or play
And instead lapped sugar all day.
If a cake was around she would try it
She never once tried to diet.
Wendy the wanton cake pirate
Met Meona and stole all her stash
Then returned to her ship in a dash!
Meona launched an attack
To regain all her sugar back.
Who knew a silly cake pirate
Would spawn a spontaneous riot?
Without sugar chief in her diet
Meona joined the cake pirate.
The two were roaming the seas
In search of fine cakes and teas
They sacked all patisseries
Often you’ll find them accosting
Bakeries to fill tummies with frosting
The process was often exhausting!
Still they’d sail across seas
In search of jams and jellies
To fill up their cake loving bellies

Return to Grace

Do you think of me at all?
When the rain begins to fall
I am near and you are far
I do not know where you are

Come away to a place inside of me
Beside me
Don’t hide please
Return to grace
I’ve longed for thee
Come away my love

There’s nothing left to fear
Let me dry all of your tears
My child I’ve longed for you
I watch everything you do
From afar I give you space
And a moment’s bit of grace

Come away to a place
Inside of me
Beside me
Don’t hide please

In the sky and in the trees
In the birds and in the bees
I am everything you see
I’m in you and you’re in me
Through this miracle that’s life
There’s an end to all your strife

Don’t rush you’ll miss it all
As the rain begins to fall

Offshore drilling

Dennis the dentist
Was an apprentice
He did all his drilling
On sharks that were willing
They lost all their teeth
And gave him no grief
For he allayed their pains
With lots of Novocaine

Crustacean fashion

Sally was a wee little crab.
Her fashion sense was often quite drab.
But with the tiniest lace adorning her face—
Her costume is soon looking fab!

Witches brew

What the butler saw
Would give you all guffaw
Always in the back
Hidden in the crack
He claims it was the maid
Who’s often underpaid
She found a little mouse
Scurrying in the house
She smashed it with her shoe
Now you have a clue
She put him in a stew
And served him up with two
Toads and newts eyes too
Indeed she is quite capable
Of crimes truly degradable
Often his libido
Has gone down to Toledo
But with a stew deplorable
It’s ramifications horrible
It’ll kill without a trace
Her master whose disgraced
He claimed love, her Romeo
How dare he venture to Ohio!
They say she was a witch
Her nose would often twitch
The butler kept track
Hidden in the back
Her spell book in that crack

He devised a plan
To catch her once again
His scheme was rather glorious
For these he was notorious
Although it was a rumor
Life has a strange sense of humor
Nightly he ate gizzards
Some claimed he was a wizard

Now what shall bring you dreams
His or her schemes
Everyone was complicit
In acts that were illicit

The truly mysterious slander
No one could understand for
Why would he lie so
With anyone in Ohio
When he could have a Michigander?

Done and dusted

A painting, drawing or writing is never done
Even if done just for fun
The more you stare
the more you glare
The more you’ll soon pull out your hair!
Just one more fix
Now let’s just nix
That line
Wait– forget it!
The endless deed that is the edit

Pocket tacos

A handsome raccoon
Was once called a loon
For nightly he’d swoon
Singing slightly off tune
Found in his pantaloons
Was a stash of beef tacos
‘Twas an aficionado
His swagger quite macho
Boasting a love of tomato
Some called him el guapo
For his love of the taco
Was a beautiful thing to behold
His desire for them truly quite bold
tacos he valued tenfold
Tacos were found in his pockets
Along with peculiar lockets
And a few small rockets
He’d eat tacos covered in mold
Pocket tacos never get old
A truer story never was told

Haberdashery

There’s a bat in the attic
Don’t be so dramatic
His name is Larry
He’s not very scary
Why do you squeal?
He holds great appeal
To all that he meets
He’ll always greet
You with a smile
He dresses in style
With all of the hats
That are suited for bats

Ode to Ice Cream

Haagen dazs
Has no flaws
I dip my spoon
And slowly swoon
Chocolate delight
Flavor is not light
I fear I’ll get a fright
When I look in the mirror
Have no fear
Cardio is here
To remove the flaws
Brought on by Haagen dazs

Bunny Rocketeers

Rabbits in space
Are such a disgrace
Hopping about
Munching sauerkraut
Rocket propelled bunnies are never funny
They’re simply obsessed with honey and money
Sugary concoctions in their back pockets
Always work to power future rockets

If Only

If I only had a brain
Oh how it is a drain
To use that gray matter
I’d really much rather
Be just a pretty face
Cover myself with ribbons or lace
Then think of deep thoughts
While chasing round my tots
Were a mind like a faucet
I’d definitely turn mine off at–
8!
Wouldn’t that be great?

Yeti Tells Me

Sasquatch loved watching bay watch
He thought hasslehoff was a great catch
But bouncing and flouncing breasts
Were what he liked best
He dreamed of running along the beach
With gorgeous lifeguards within reach

Poison

What’s the prognosis?
Sudden psychosis
Brought on by drinking?
Or too much thinking
Caught in the act
Matter of fact
But will it pass
Alas sassafras lass

Serial addiction

Cereal addicts addicted to corn flakes
Imposing toothaches
Don’t wait
Hesitate
Neglect your teeth
Eat corned beef
Go to the dentist
Watch an apprentice
You’re rude
Or shrewd
Or screwed
Who cares
Caught unawares

Don’t pout
Fear of missing out
Is not what it’s about
A beer
Won’t bring
You cheer
My dear
Never fear
Hope and faith
Replace
Your need
For speed
And weed

Promised

I said forever and that’s what I meant
I thought you were heaven sent
I ran down the aisle filled with glee
Excited to live my life as we
No one saw a prettier pair
I preened and fussed and fixed my hair
Our first baby brought us such bliss
We danced in the kitchen elated with his kiss
Our second brought even more joy
I couldn’t cross the room without tripping on toys
But you hit the bottle and that’s all you’d need
You’d tossed away life for wine and weed
I never thought you’d treat me this way
When we exchanged our vows on our wedding day

I said forever and that’s what I meant
I thought you were heaven sent

Sam the squirrel

Sam the squirrel
Loved to twirl
And eat and dance and sing
In his land
He was grand
And was proclaimed a king
A dance contest was declared
Rules were shared
Subjects gathered near
Did you hear?
What shall it be?
Shall the winner be me?
Prize is nuts to last the year!
Sam will choose
The best dancing shoes
Some will win, some will lose
The lucky squirrel
who can twirl
And eat and dance and sing
Will feast and feast
Like a beast
On nuts fit for a king
They all pranced
and sang and danced
Sam was entranced
He almost lost his pants

He nearly lost his breath
Some danced to their death

What a way to go
Such a lovely show

Goose out of Water

A little goose
Is on the loose
She’ll surely

Be a bit girly
Don’t be obtuse
She’s on the caboose
Headed for Toulouse

All the art
Will indeed impart
A worldly flair
She always puts on airs
Never did she belong
down on the farm

Lemur Misdemeanor

Tigers and lemurs
Performed misdemeanors
The first was a schemer
They orchestrated a zoo break
With poisonous mandrake
They’ll be free by day break
All it will take
Is a tragic fall in a fish tank
Their seeming diversion
Would cause mass dispersion
Their serious cunning would cause all folks running
But can you blame them?
You cannot tame them
They locked up the people
And peered through the keyhole
And all the gorilla ate ice cream, vanilla

Pressure

systole diastole
my life is a catastrophe
where is my life of ease?

pressure 
no pleasure
through stormy weather
pressurepressure
fissurefracture
impending disaster
faster and faster
will it last or
will i slow
slow
no 
no 
no
and go
with the flow
living low
blow by blow
i don't know

diastole and systole
rewriting history unending mystery
threatening to collapse on me

Sugar High

Let them eat cake
For heaven’s sake
You’ll be sad you did
Crazy kids
Running amok
Like a runaway truck

Snow Day

I’m working on a book
Will you take a look?
It is just under there
Wait a sec! oh where–
Did it go?
It is covered up with snow!
I do declare
Readers all beware
You’ll get quite frost bitten
Reading what is written.
Trudging through the snow
For tomes only I know

Downward Dog

You light up my life

A mermaid lamp
Looks a little fishy
But my! 
Her light is dishy

Carrot’s are in fashion

Carrots are in fashion
I display such passion  
For the orange root
It really is a hoot
Oh how I love my carrot—
I shall never share it!
The beta carotene 
Is slightly obscene
Keeps eyesight keen
Now just a quick preen
And you can either eat or wear it

Fishnets

Fishnets will catch
Snatch or snare 
A fish or man 
With or without hair 
Stop and stare
Buyer beware
I’ll surely dare 
To stop the glare
And much fanfare
Stares won’t soon be put to rest
While donning a pair of daring fishnets

Mousetrap

Hippitty hoppity
clippity cloppity

The mouse walked in the trap

clippity cloppity
Hippitty hoppity

He’s never coming back 
The trap was but a tease
Laced with bits of cheese
His friends all warned him, dude! Ya—
Can’t go chase that Gouda
Or you’ll wind up dead, like 
Buddha!

Slippery sloppily
Isn’t it a pity?

His end wasn’t so pretty 

Blessings

Happy thanksgiving to you
I’m grateful it’s true
I prefer you to this shoe
Although the label on it
Reads Manolo Blahnik!

Seedling

Oh!
to grow
a boy
By placing him in a pot
Near any sun you’ve got
Water him twice a week
Take an occasional peek
Use your pruning shears
Down around his ears
Will ensure that he’ll grow tall
And when he’s done he’ll fall
Right out of that pot
And oh
he’ll go
And grow
His own boy
in a lot
Using that very pot

Long Distance

You are enough
Built of very tough stuff
Though your edges may be rough
You'll find that in dear time
They'll smooth and feel sublime
You're captured here in rhyme
Hey baby what's your sign?
Stop?! Oh now I see
You running far from me!!
It's true that all this love
Emanating from above
Can make you feel quite smothered
And longing for your mother
My excited palpitations
Made you flee the nation?
A continent between us —-
I think it always seems thus
As though my heart lingers
Now I’m dreaming of your fingers
Perhaps this sovereignty
Will bring you back to me!
In the meantime I will find
Something else to pass the time.

Nun of that flesh

Happy hippy hippos
Were worried ‘bout their wrinkles 
And consulted Carian Cinkle 
Who helped to smooth their crinkles
They heard she was a psycho
And no that’s not a typo
For she practiced Lypo
On her favorite fido
He once was a Sherpe
Now he’s smooth as Doris day 
Still countless would go under
With her knife she’d plunder
Removing flesh by triples
Not caring about their whimpers
They’d cover their heads with whimples
And dream of a life so simple
While missing their old dimples 

Leeching and Beseeching

48 hours ago
They were in the throes
She left upon his pillow
24 hours ago
Carnivorous leeches
Under his breeches 
12 hours ago
Found in the shallow
He cannot swallow
6 hours ago
An ache for bloodlust
Hidden under her bust
2 hours ago

Fairy tale gone awry

Tell a story
Keep it not gory
Filled with sunshine and flowers 
Then You'll pass the hours 
Filled with syrupy confection 
Not homicidal confession
Sweet dancing ponies 
riding zambonis
Won’t murder their victims
Leaving widows stricken 
No! they'll prance and play
And sing lyrics all day 
Bunnies, Gun toting
Won't be promoting
Using their ammo
On penguins in camo 
Oh! They’ll be entrancing  
And merrily dancing 
In costumes quite fancy 
Unicorns won’t be impaling 
Innocents gone sailing 
No they're cavorting 
Under rainbows while snorting 
With laughter 
in their happily ever after

If only

If only I had this I'd be complete 
If only I had more I'd be on my feet
If only I had what I desired
If only I were more inspired 
If only i could be there not here
If only I could conquer this fear
If only she were still alive 
If only I knew how to thrive
If only I know that's all wrong
I had everything I needed all along
If only I LIVE just for today 
I can wash my cares away 
No more thoughts of yesterday 
If only I know I'm fine right now
I'll get by anyhow 
If only I change just what I can 
I will be a better man

Moontel 6

The left side of the moon
Still had room
For your hotel
Far colder than hell
But aliens did swarm
They braved the swamp storm
To render a visit
Your rooms allowed illicit
Alien love
They floated above
Each other each night
You got the lighting just right
To make alien babies
Not infested with rabies
or infected with scabies
Oh that alien hotel
Colder than hell
To the left side of the moon
Has vacant rooms
For your next vacation
In alien temptation
Behold the decorations
Left from alien invasions
Give good vibrations
To populate nations

Treehoused

How much easier 'twould be
To live high atop a tree
And Twitter with the birds
And only make it heard 
Things you want to hear
Now please sleep my dear
And dream all through the night
Of your next delightful flight 

Sweet circuit

She rerouted your components
Dreamed of frosted donuts
Used to feed the homeless
design rules were not needless
Yet she paid them heedless 
 Attention--
 Retention!
Was a habit 
Only fit for rabbits